Suggestions on tracing a "secret" nephew

Question

My sister and I separately had DNA tests done a few years ago.  We lived over 7,000 miles apart and were not in regular touch.  I noticed that Ancestry showed an unknown nephew.  I couldn't work out how to raise it with her before she took ill and died of old age last month because dementia started kicking in; however, I'm glad that we did reestablish contact.  I tried to contact the nephew via Ancestry, but he's not been online for over a year since getting his DNA results.

I think I know many circumstances relating to their relationship because she was in her rebellious stage and brought home circa 1960 an enlisted airman of another race to prod my mother (it worked) but as the younger brother I got along with her boyfriend well.  Anyway, she went back to the University of Arizona (where she worked really hard to flunk out) and was gone for several years, during which time I went away to school and never saw her again except briefly when I brought my first wife to the Reservation.  Fifty years passed, she found herself, built a good U.S. Public Health Service career, married, had a child, etc.  So that's the background.

So there's an entire branch of my family tree that is blank and, yes, my nephew is half African-American and I feel like an important part of my heritage is missing.

I'm sure that this isn't all that uncommon, so I'm interested in hearing any suggestions as to how to proceed (other than a private detective or other expensive method).  Any ideas?

Comments

You might retag your question for Adoption Angels. I think they will have good suggestions.

Do you have a time, a year maybe, when the nephew may have appeared?  Any idea of where your sister was. Those things will help.

Also, I would not give up on trying to contact him thru Ancestry. He might be curious sometime in the future.

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Thanks, Kristina.  I have edited my post to add a date and place. Looking at the Ancestry DNA site, I note that he (name apparently "Greg") joined the site in 2016 and hasn't been on "for more than a year", so I suspect that Ancestry is a dead end.  More than that, his 5 person family tree (no names) on Ancestry all relates to him, an unknown father, my sister, and our parents, so perhaps he was adopted or a foundling.  Still, you've given me a few ideas, so thanks.
Blessings, Ray

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Hi Ray, Adoption Angels has a help page with a few tips for finding family members in cases like these

https://www.wikitree.com/wiki/Space:Adoption_Angels:_How_to_Find_Living_Family_Members

Answer 1

Hi Ray,

I'm an Australian adoptee who used AncestryDNA to find his paternal family.

I would recommend on persisting with short and simple messages to him via  Ancestry.

How close are you to your Brother-in-law and the other Nephew/Niece?  Which one to you trust more or would be open to talk?

I ask because when I did my AncestryDNA my first point of contact was with a very broadminded and accepting 1st cousin and aunt.  If it had been a different cousin things would probably be different.

Comments

G'day Jayzen,

Thanks for your comments and insight from your successful experience.  Well done.  Alas, my brother-in-law predeceased my sister.  I am in contact with my niece but she's still grieving the death of her mother and an older half-brother in the same week.  Several months ago I had diplomatically (I think) queried her about the possibility of "Greg" but received no answer on that score.  Since I live in Australia  I'm geographically isolated from my relatives in the USA.  I intend to use Christmas communications to continue our conversation but sense that she is probably unaware of her possible half-brother.

I have been screening Ancestry DNA, MyHeritage DNA, and FamilyTreeDNA for potential African-American connections but haven't worked out a systematic way to do that yet.  No obvious connections other than "Greg" have surfaced thus far within 5 degrees of separation, so that seems to be another dead-end.

Thanks again.  Ray

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Unfortunately I didn't get to meet my natural mother or my recently discovered father.  Most likely my natural mother did not take too kindly to her 3rd illegitimate child coming out of the woodwork.  My natural father comment to my Aunt, "Let sleeping dog lie".  It is what it is. 

I still suggest persisting with the Ancestry messaging.

Your niece may not know of her "half-brother", but may be aware of a mysterious male asking personal questions about the family.

There is a long shot.  He could have "uploaded" his DNA to Gedmatch.  If so, you'll be able to see his matchs from both sides and possibly discover his father.

There is the possibility he lost his email account so cannot access Ancestry.

There is also the possibility is he has semi or permanently closed that chapter in his life.  He would be around 60 and has moved on.  

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Have any close cousins on your side tested? You could reach out to them and see if any contact either way was made.

Answer 2

Hi Ray,

Finding living people can be tricky--one needs to act like a private investigator. What information do you have from Ancestry? Last name? With a name, of course, you can use Google and Facebook to start looking and cross-check the approximate age. In the absence of a name, you can look at the Ancestry member login. Many times people use the same login for multiple accounts and this can be traced to another place that has a public name. Also, if "Greg" was adopted, adoptees are typically placed in the same general location where they were born (where your sister was living at the time); so, narrow your most likely search to that location to start.

Answer 3

That his account shows no activity in over a year may only relate to the fact he has not added to his tree. You should be able to check whether he is reading your messages on Ancestry.com messaging system. I have had people contact me about my queries over two years later so don’t give up.

All of the other advice you have gotten is excellent and it would be beneficial for you to consider testing at the other companies or at least uploading your DNA results to My heritage and Ftdna, although doing original tests there would be of greater benefit and there are cyber Monday sales today.

Answer 4

Good for you for wanting to reach out. I've had a similar experience -- very high match showed up on Ancestry and I quickly determined that he was a half-nephew (unknown son of my half-brother). Sadly, my half-brother to this day is still in denial about it and doesn't want contact. I have been as welcoming the the new nephew as I can be, sending him pictures and filling him in on family history. I'm not optimistic that he'll ever get to meet his bio-Dad though.