How should I approach previously unknown relatives?

Question

Recently I was able to find my Grand Aunt. She is my Grandfather's sister. My Grandfather died 10 years before I was born and I haven't had any contact with any of that side of my family. I only discovered that she was alive, while trying to track down her date of death. She also happens to live about 20 minutes from me! But when I gave her a call she wasn't interested in talking to me. I'm afraid she thought that perhaps I was trying to scam her.

What advice do you have for contacting cousins, and other distant relatives that you have never met? What questions should I ask if we do meet (Is there a standard Genealogy questionaire or something to guide info gathering)?

Comments

Mitch:

Lauren's answer below is spot on.  Particularly when dealing with your grandparent's generation, a carefully hand-written document is so much better (and less threatening) than a phone call, email, personal visit for opening the relationship.  Be sure to include a simply drawn diagram of your ancestry that includes you, you parents and your grandparents (including the great aunt) and include birth, Marriage and death dates on the chart.  You might also include copies of any photographs, etc. that you may have.

Be sure to explain that you are looking for nothing more than to learn about your roots, your heritage.  These are warm words that resonate with the elderly crowd.

Good luck and thanks for sharing here and on WikiTree.

Keith

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I defintiely agree with including photos. There has been a scam going around targeted at elders where they recieve a call from a "niece" or "nephew" who uses social engineering to convince the elder to provide sensitive information that leads to having their identity stolen. If you are in contact with your parent, maybe a snapshot of them with your grandfather could do a lot to soothe your great-aunt's concerns and open doors for you.

Answer 1

That's so sad that she didn't want to talk to you!  

Maybe a nice handwritten letter explaining your reasons for contacting her would give her the chance to mull things over without any pressure.  Good luck - hope it leads to a positive result.  :-)

Comments

I found a 3rd cousin I didn't know about on here. I sent him a private message about proposing a merge and establishing my "formal credentials for doing so in it" We then took it to email and actually met each other a few weeks ago and I must say I know I felt "cagey" about contacting someone I'd never met and I'm sure he felt the same about being contacted by someone he didn't know.

I would support the idea of a letter with printed evidence of the family tree links, also include the URL for WikiTree, so that if she has any children/friends she trusts who are online they can also verify it online for her. Then it's pretty well up to her to contact you, which can be a frustrating time for you, but you have to accept the fact that she may not want to take your offer up although if she has children maybe one of them might want to.

Hope it all turns out well for you

All the best

Answer 2

I’ve tried a few different approaches. I’m sort of direct and I’ve come to find out that most people don’t appreciate that, even relatives. Many that I’ve tried to contact simply don’t respond. Really only had meaningful contributions from 2 close cousins, my sister and my aunt who began the whole genealogical journey for me. I often regretted not being raised around my cousins. Now, I’m not so sure given the response of some. I have come to find out that when I lived in eastern NC, I accidentally/ coincidentally was running around with people who were cousins from my mothers side although I didn’t have a clue at the time. Cousins of families that came from eastern NC to Georgia. Strange to say the least, epecially one young lady I dated.