Family history and an adopted person

Question

My paternal grandmother (b. 1894) grew up in a family of thirteen children. Out of her eleven siblings that reached adulthood, ten had "known" children. When Dad's maternal grandmother died in 1957, she had then 43 grandchildren, and at her death 71 great-grandchildren.  Several years back, I took a DNA test with two different companies, trying to work through some brick walls in my family tree . Over time I have made inquires of my matches to find out where they may fit into my tree and if they have any information on my brick walls. I occasionally received along the way responses from a handful of adoptees or children of adoptees. Most appear to connected through my paternal maternal great-grandparents family lines. Some respond saying just they are (or they're family member)  an adoptee and not ask for any info. A few ask if I can confirm that a certain family member is in my tree. If that person has long since passed on then I don't see a problem answering.  Recently I had an adoptee's family member respond back tell me that their parent's birth name and place of adoption, I would guess in the hopes that I may have an idea how their parent was related to me.  I responded back by saying how  DNA matches (2nd to 3rd cousins to myself) on our match list were related through my grandmother's siblings then thumbnail history of my grandmother's grandparents family. I'm uncertain if I did the "right thing" or not.

Answer 1

I believe you handled the situation appropriately by providing information about your family connections through DNA matches. Sharing relevant details about your genealogical research and family connections can be valuable for adoptees seeking information about their biological roots. Your scientific approach and willingness to share information can contribute to building connections and solving genealogical puzzles. If you have any specific concerns or questions about your response, feel free to share, and we can discuss them further.

Answer 2

You absolutely handled this correctly. If I'm reading this right, Their message was in response to your original message. Generally speaking as Peter says, sharing your information may fill in gaps for the other person. They may be able to return the favor and provide you with information you are unaware of.

I've actually had folks respond to messages I sent over a year ago, and sometimes it's not always the person I sent the original to. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

I am new to this platform, still learning (and this is my first post here!), but adoption is dear to my heart. My great grandmother's adoption was one of the reasons I decided to do DNA (as well as my grandmother's, ggmother's daughter out of wedlock birth).  I already had my theory and I wanted to prove it.  I have another brick wall that still remains a brick wall that has nothing to do with adoption (that I am aware of--and within the autosomal realm).  As a mom and wife of adoptees I will say that people process it (the info) all differently.  You handled it perfectly.  I tend to overshare because I want the person to know, but I will also allow for an open door if they want more information.

All that said, I was actually upset about my great grandmother's adoption when I found out the DNA facts (it only took me about an hour to triangulate, if that). The family story that had been passed down was only partially correct.  The truth was she was placed at abt 6mos, an older brother (1yr older) was not, and the parents went on to have three more children.  I've reached out to family (would be grand children, 3 people) to find out if they had heard any stories, but I haven't heard anything back.  They may not be alive now, who knows with Ancestry. I think I've gone through the stages of grief for her! (it seems silly, I know).

So, offer what you can to fill in blanks.  Pictures, occupations, hobbies if known, all the things that genealogists enjoy knowing about our ancestors.

Answer 4

I agree with Peter, you did the best you could, without breaking privacy regulations or social mores. You gave the facts and the potential for further leads in their search (if they want to take it further).

I'm adopted, and for 58 years, that was all I needed to know.  My adopted parents were my parents. It was only after the death of my father, and my mother's health deteriorating, that she became quite fixated on helping me find my birth family. So I started the journey, with the help of some wonderful people both on WT and also the general genealogical community.

My journey has had some highs and lows. Both Birth parents are deceased. Being told that my 3 half siblings don't want anything to do with me, although they have known about me all their life, really hurt. Meeting my mother's brother and his family last year on the other side of the world and being welcomed to their home, and then meeting a cousin on my father's side and them having the same response, was amazing. I might never know my father's identity, as he is genetically 1 of 3 deceased brothers. But all any adoptee/result of NPE can ask, is for openness and honesty. We didn't make the past. We are just the result of it.